What are friends for?
Rhetorical question, eh?
Well… I just had a 30 minute, relatively short time for friend-to-friend talk, with a friend. I told him things I need to sort out. Things that I didn’t tell anyone yet. I think I overburdened him with what I said. I think he is now questioning if we were actually that close.
But what do I do when I don’t have much other options?
I stood as a pillar where my friends lean on. That was like that for a long time and remained that way. Well… the pillar is shaking now; pushing the people who were leaning away. The people already found other pillars to lean on. Where can I lean on?
This is one of the reasons why I envy those people who lived in one place for their whole entire lives. They have friends that knew them since their childhoods. There is no secret between them. Just being together is enough. There is no awkward silence (nothing directed at you Daniela: we are not awkward silence people ;) ) between them. There are no calculations being made to satisfy each other. They simply… are what they are.
Some people envied me for traveling to various places and living in various places. I do accept that privileges came with such opportunities. I’m trilingual, I have many friends that I can contact and meet up with when I’m visiting many parts of the world. But directly around me, I’m not sure if I can continue to make great friendships.
After all, we do say our farewells when the time comes. Before that time comes, I wish to be of a greater help than a burden. I wish to help the people near me and support them rather than requiring their support. But right now, I wish for others’ supports. I need somewhere to lean on. I think I need a friend right now. I almost have a desire to duplicate myself to become my own friend.
I constantly tell myself that time will tell, time will heal, and time will cure. But it seems like time is moving at a rate that is way too fast for me, yet have no effect. Time is rushing past me, yet I don’t feel the telling, healing nor the curing.
Sleep. It’s one way to escape reality. But sleeping time is time lost. Away from reality. Doesn’t take part in the “time will help.” Yet reality hurts. There are simply way too many things going on in reality.
I guess I’m really looking forward to spring break. It has already begun for me. I’m leaving my current life area. I’ll go and breathe. Maybe that will help.
Going away to Aruba for a week.
Maybe that will help. Maybe that will help. Just maybe…
